I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
