You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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