New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
