you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
