Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
