hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
