Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
