Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
