no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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