"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
