We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
