Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
