Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just google imaged poop.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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