you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
