hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
