genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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