I skipped work to stalk him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
