whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
