Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
