at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
