I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
