You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
