therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
