it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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