No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
