From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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