Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Holy shit dude........stairs
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