idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
