So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
