Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
