Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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