I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
