The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
