that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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