I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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