WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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