I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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