I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I sprained my soul last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
