he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
