I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
