About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
