am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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