Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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