Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
