i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
