Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
