I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
