Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
