There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The best revenge is premature balding
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
