I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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