my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
